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Jul. 17th, 2019 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
montfeliskyInch by inch, I feel as though I'm emerging from the burnout pit I disappeared into through the beginning of the year. I'm gradually starting to read again, though very slowly - it's approximately one book a month, or more accurately, one book every six weeks, but at least I am reading and taking pleasure in what I'm reading. I finished a re-read of Aliette de Bodard's The House of Shattered Wings and now I'm reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgernstern. It's delightful. I'm reading very slowly. I'm also reading a (for me) ludicrous quantity of fanfiction (primarily Guardian, with a dash of Good Omens). I'm not writing at all. But I assume that will come inching back as well - I've sat down a few times to jot down notes about dybbuknovel, but any attempt to actually sit down and write properly results in my brain making a furious staticky noise at me.
It's interesting, because I'm also not really able to play games at the moment. I've made a few abortive attempts at Stardew Valley and Shadow of the Tomb Raider. For a long time, through the spring, the only thing I could concentrate on was Netflix. Writing, gaming, reading; these all felt like too much effort in order to consume or produce stories. I couldn't concentrate on any of them. Now the reading is creeping back in, so I assume next will be gaming, then writing.
The other things I've noticed: I'm marginally more on top of communicating with friends, marginally better at making and sticking to plans, but I still get very easily overwhelmed. I've pulled out of several social engagements where organising them has involved a huge amount of Whatsapp back-and-forth with different people. And there are other things my brain just gets stuck at and then skips over, like drawing in my spreads for July in my bullet journal or consulting my diary to actually make plans. I keep intending to make an osteopath appointment to get my knee checked out and that hasn't happened yet.
It still feels a bit ridiculous to be so burned out by what was, after all, just 2 months. That's nothing compared to three years at Cambridge. But I suppose it was not just that. The general environment of my life landscape around it was also quite inhospitable before, during, and after that time. I should have taken some time off afterwards and not waited for Passover. I have learned from this, though - after the first year of the GDL, I will hopefully be cycling the Outer Hebrides with my best friend (and possibly her lovely husband) and I cannot imagine a nicer way to anchor my soul back into my body.
It's interesting, because I'm also not really able to play games at the moment. I've made a few abortive attempts at Stardew Valley and Shadow of the Tomb Raider. For a long time, through the spring, the only thing I could concentrate on was Netflix. Writing, gaming, reading; these all felt like too much effort in order to consume or produce stories. I couldn't concentrate on any of them. Now the reading is creeping back in, so I assume next will be gaming, then writing.
The other things I've noticed: I'm marginally more on top of communicating with friends, marginally better at making and sticking to plans, but I still get very easily overwhelmed. I've pulled out of several social engagements where organising them has involved a huge amount of Whatsapp back-and-forth with different people. And there are other things my brain just gets stuck at and then skips over, like drawing in my spreads for July in my bullet journal or consulting my diary to actually make plans. I keep intending to make an osteopath appointment to get my knee checked out and that hasn't happened yet.
It still feels a bit ridiculous to be so burned out by what was, after all, just 2 months. That's nothing compared to three years at Cambridge. But I suppose it was not just that. The general environment of my life landscape around it was also quite inhospitable before, during, and after that time. I should have taken some time off afterwards and not waited for Passover. I have learned from this, though - after the first year of the GDL, I will hopefully be cycling the Outer Hebrides with my best friend (and possibly her lovely husband) and I cannot imagine a nicer way to anchor my soul back into my body.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-17 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-18 09:06 am (UTC)I love you lots and will definitely let you know. <3 Sprints are not helping at all at the moment, alas. I suspect what I need to do is just create time and space to write with no interruptions and then reward myself after, without thinking of that reward before hand.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-20 01:30 am (UTC)Yeah I very much feel that!! I'm happy to help creative whatever sort of creative space might help you -- whether it's talking at you about my ideas or brainstorming together or listening to you talk stuff through or whatever! And always here for providing rewards, of course. ♥
no subject
Date: 2019-07-19 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-22 09:50 am (UTC)I'm SO excited for the Outer Hebrides! I think it'll end up being late June/July that I do it. *_*